Category: <span>Life</span>

The first date-night we had been on in the nation’s capital in close to two years — certainly the first since Sophia’s birth. A little bit of a backstory — Sophia’s acid reflux came back with a vengeance as did her teething. She had vomited spectacularly all over her room, her bath, me, the walls almost every night for the past week. Topping off the vomiting and the behemoth cleanup was her sleep or more specifically, lack thereof. She started waking up every hour or hour and a half and as I said previously, only mommy can console her during the night.

We were tired and overwhelmed and glad to see my parents. They brought with them not only delicious food but also a sense of calm and reassurance. Once here, they were quick to get us out the door to try and unwind. It had been far too long since we were out on a date. We didn’t even know what to do with ourselves; Dinner? Movie? There is that interesting photography exhibit at one of the Smithsonian Museums, the theater, the movies or general strolling. We decided to go to the movies since the Oscars were on last week and some of the nominated pictures looked promising. Movie and a dinner was the plan.

The movie we saw was Argo and I thought it was very good. The movie theater was of course one of the Landmark theaters. They have those in Philadelphia and we love them because they show a lot of smaller, independent films and are always clean and well-cared for. We had never been to this one (located on E street in D.C.) before but knew we wouldn’t be disappointed.

I realized quite quickly that I hadn’t been out on a date-night as soon as we made up the escalator from parking. First of all, thank goodness our babysitters were free because movie tickets were astronomical (23$/tickets). Since it is a while before I can be called a senior, I am considering going back to school just so I can get the student discount :-). Once I got over the shock of spending nearly 25 dollars on movie tickets and eleven to park, I realized it was still very much worth it.

The movie theater turned out to be first rate, clean, well-cared for with great patrons who seemed to be looking for the very same experience we had. No loud kids, no sticky floors, or seats. To top it off — this is a big girl/boy movie theater. They sell alcoholic beverages at the concession stand. I must admit, I was rather taken back and although we opted for a water and an Italian soda, I appreciate having the choice. Lovely… and a great movie that really entertained.

Thoroughly thrilled by Argo, we decided to get a few small plates from a great Izakaya (japanese bar) and were happy to have ended up at Kushi. I rushed home because I wanted to see Sophia before she went to bed and was overjoyed to find my daughter happy and enjoying her time playing with her Baba and Deda.

It was a great evening because sometimes even the most devoted parents who love their children very much need to recharge their batteries. I always say how much I love Philadelphia, but as we were driving along the Potomac river, D.C. looked magical and I am sure I will love it here too.

Much like my secret single behaviors (SSBs), hubby and I have our own traditions. One that stands out is our fervent reverence of the coffee bean. In fact, we love it so much so, that we felt compelled to include it in our vows and the text of our ketubah. So the tradition is that we like to enjoy a freshly brewed cup of coffee together on the weekends. It is now-a-days a less tranquil experience, but one that we hold on to.

We like to enjoy the coffee out of our Moi and Toi (me and you when translated from French) cups. I got these years ago right after we moved in together. They’re Limoges cups and although simple in design, their excellent quality, thin and refined porcelain enhance our weekend cups of coffee much like a proper wine glass enhances the grape elixir which it holds.

… and the fact that I got them on clearance nearly 6 years ago at TJMaxx of all places just makes me realize that we can find the most special things when we least expect them to.

I am not certain, but quite sure that Sophia has entered the terrible twos at 16 months. She is all of a sudden a different child. My attempts to reason and explain why something cannot be done are so far in vein. Topping off our newly mutinous Sophia’s less than stellar behavior is her newly found regression in sleep topped with an only Mama can comfort me at night cherry.

While operating (not living, just operating) on 6 hrs of sleep broken up in four increments, I called to whine and complain to my mother. Why is it that MY child was the ONLY one I know who is sleeping so poorly?! Instead of attempting to calm me down and reassure that this too shall pass, I was greeted with a heaping serving of tough love. No “it will pass”, no “i love you, this is hard, and you’ll get through it”. Instead I heard “you are not the only one, but you complain as if you were”, “deal with it and if it doesn’t break you, you’ll be stronger”.

For those who know my mother, and my parents in general, this is par for the course. This is nothing new, just how it always was. I don’t recall my mother every praising my sister and I — EVER. Never about our looks, grades, accomplishments or achievements. Yearning for that, we always worked hard to try and somehow reach what seemed like the unattainable — validation. And reach it (self-validation) we did, of course. We both have graduate degrees, both work and manage our own households with children and spouses.

I am not saying that my parents are not supportive. They worry and care just like every other insane parent. They bring chicken soup and call. In fact, there hasn’t been a single morning that my mom hasn’t called to see how Sophia slept.

Even though they obviously care, they have never worked to solve our problems for us. I did my own homework, packed my own backpack and lunch since the second week of first grade. I bought my first car with my own money – from my own parents – because I wanted to own it. It was mine, not theirs, mine and they couldn’t take it away. I wrote my own college essays (as it should be for everyone but is far from reality). I applied to be a research assistant in college and didn’t use any of my parents’ connections (and there were none to be used). Similarly, I searched for jobs on my own and then hubby and I planned our own wedding, he found his job, we moved to Maryland ourselves and found our own home.

Actually, I am not being honest. There was one time when my mom praised me. After my graduation ceremony (I was awarded a Bachelor and a Master of Sciences in Computer Science simultaneously), she told me that she was proud because she didn’t know if I could do it. It was a compliment, presented the only way my mom knows how.

No matter how sleep deprived I am as I write this, I cannot help but wonder if this is the type of parent I will or even want to be. Will I be this tough on my daughter? Will it work? If I am softer, will she grow up to be less independent and call me to get help with the most inane decisions? Here is what I do know: no matter our situation, Sophia will not grow up with an attitude of entitlement. She will be self sufficient and self-reliant by the time she graduates from college and enters the workforce. I am about to sound just like my mother when I say that “I am not working this hard so that she can grow up to be a disappointment. Children are supposed to be more successful than their parents”.