This right here is a departure from our usual Friday posts where I share our extraordinary moment. There have been many moments since last Friday but they can all wait to be shared later. Shortly. Another time.
Evan and I are dutiful citizens—we recycle, vote and care about the economy, geopolitical crises, etc. Like most people, we want to leave a better world for our children to live in. Perhaps, this is all backwards. Perhaps Carlos Slim had it right when he said that while it is important to give your children a better country (world) to live in, it is more important to give better children to your country. So from now on, I will ask myself what should I do to ensure that our opinionated, determined and very stubborn three year old grows up as an independent and empowered adult who cares about the world. Maybe you will ask yourself the same thing. Maybe if every parent asks themselves this very question we will indeed leave a better country to our children because we will leave better children to take care of the world.
An experience is sometimes more valuable than a tangible item especially if the experience touches your soul. I wrote a few years ago about the difficulty of choosing a gift for the man who has everything. As the years pass by, I realize how important our time, time together and time with our family are and that those are the ultimate gifts. Evan’s birthday was Monday and we took the day off in pursuit for some cultural and culinary exploration to celebrate his special day.
We chose to visit The Barnes Foundation having never been before and hearing wonderful things about its new home on the Parkway. The museum is architecturally very interesting and the art collection is remarkable. Hundreds of Renoirs, Cezannes, Picassos and Modiglianis to fill your eyes and mind with … to look at and linger trying to understand the magnitude of talent a person must possess to create something so extraordinary. I was not very familiar with the work of Chaim Soutine but was very impressed with his style and the emotion he was able to evoke in his works. His use of color reminded me of Marc Chagall, another beloved artist, whose works I saw en masse in Nice in 2006 and again in 2008. I liked it so much, I saw it twice.
Having treated ourselves to such a dazzling display of movement and color, we set out for a quick yet satisfying lunch of ramen at Cheu Noodle Bar where tradition sits side by side with modernity. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it hit the spot, so to speak. Thoroughly refreshed and reinvigorated we returned home to help the girls with their lunch and see them off to naps. The day was different than it used to be before we had kids but just as satisfying. As for the art and my company, they touched my soul.
We’ve been back in Philadelphia a little over a month now. While I didn’t expect this—we’re still adjusting and unpacking and, from the looks of the boxes all over the place, we will be for a long while. I shouldn’t be surprised as I don’t make any Herculean effort to unload the boxes what with, together with Evan, cleaning, cooking, feeding, and playing with the girls. I just rewrote that sentence from “having to cook, clean” to what it is. In reality, I don’t have to cook or clean or even play with the girls. All of that can be bought. You can have someone clean your house and you can order take-out or bring your family to a restaurant and even hire a sitter to spend time with your kids. The one thing you can’t (or maybe I wouldn’t) do is offload taking care of sick kids. That’s something that I would never do unless I absolutely had to. I want to cook and clean and play with Sophia and Eliza because I LOVE doing it. But I digress. The point is that after having been in Philadelphia for a month, we have no regrets about making the big and rather expensive move.
I was thinking about our lives now and thinking back to what they used to be like the last time we lived in Philadelphia. Back then, it was just the two of us. I was already working and Evan was finishing up his Ph.D. We lived in the same place and yet it felt infinitely larger and almost always immaculate. I felt like we were both incredibly busy with work and school but in reality, that busyness is nothing compared to the new normal, the new busy. Our home is busting at the seams with all things toys and kid-gear. We are “on” which means up, functioning, ticking things off the to-do lists from 6 AM until 9 PM at which point even TV watching can at times seem like an exhausting and daunting task. What’s more, my life, much like is the case for all the other parents, is a series of lists—groceries, to-dos, work things, and planning/packing lists. The latter has been banished to the furthest corner of the universe since we no longer have to stay overnight when visiting our family. Amen.
During our previous tenure in the city, I also didn’t have this blog and that is something I regret. I very much enjoy the outlet that this space provides me and in turn reward the readers with stories of our life, our everydayness. One day, many years from now, my kids will hopefully read or at least page through the blog and see what I was like when I was younger or even their age. Perhaps they will find the that me (the now me) is someone they can relate to or understand. If anything, they’ll see what their lives were when they were little and the choices we made to ensure that they grew up in a home filled with love, with great food, with family close by and surrounded by their cousins and grandparents.
Looking at the mirror, I see a much different me. I look older. I no longer have to squint to see some fine lines and even wrinkles. I am thankfully not graying but look tamed and steadier none-the-less. The last few years have made me realize that life has a way of teaching us that we’re none-the-wiser, that we don’t know what is yet to come and that we shouldn’t judge or say “when I am [in the same place you’re in…]”.
And so we have come full circle, we are in the same place—literally—where we were living 4 years ago and our life couldn’t be more different. Not just different, but better because of the choices we have made, to embrace and enjoy the chaos of the every day.
Until recently, I often found myself wishing the girls were older and more independent. I realize now that their childhoods, dependence and even the sleepless nights are fleeting and one day, they too, shall pass. As soon as I realized it, I wanted it at all back because looking at Eliza, I know now that once she is out of the baby stage, I won’t have a baby at home but rather two little girls. A sudden pang of sadness overcame me recently because I realized that I will never have to change another diaper for Sophia or that in a matter of weeks if not days, I will cuddle next to her for her very last nap. The sadness is because sometimes, we don’t even realize when we do something for the last time.
These changes ride along with what has been incredibly busy months of August and September. I promised to share some big things we’re working on and this post is as fitting as any to do so. We have moved from the D.C. suburbs to Philadelphia. I have transferred to our New Jersey office and our house is going on the market in a matter of days. Not only did we move, but we did so immediately following Evan’s sister’s wedding; When the kids and I left to attend the wedding, we left our Maryland home for the very last time.
A move is almost always a huge deal, but it is incredibly stressful when doing it with a toddler and an infant. Not only are we switching houses, we are switching nannies. Our nanny in Maryland is loved not just by the children but by our entire family. Our goodbye on Sunday was tearful even though it wasn’t a goodbye so much as a farewell because Ingrid will always be in our lives and our children’s lives. She even came and helped with the children at the wedding which was such a relief.
And so we had to add a nanny search to our list of tasks as part of the move and that is a huge headache and responsibility. We are officially living in our beloved city of Philadelphia, temporarily maintaing two households, and hopefully looking forward to settling into a permanent residence in a few months once and if our house sells.
To say that the last few months have been stressful is an understatement but I think we handled the move gracefully and admittedly not without help from our family. Changes, for me, are always difficult but there I get no greater pleasure than knowing that I succeeded in achieving a goal I set for myself. I can’t wait to start this new chapter in our lives and see where it leads.
My mom has an aunt who is an extraordinary person. She is sage, kind and giving—the type of a person I aspire to become. She hosted my mom and her sister during their college years while both attended pharmacy school and then, years later, she hosted my sister while she attended university before we emigrated here. I never lived close enough to her, but I have over the years developed a great rapport with her and correspond with her (in Russian) to this day. Our correspondence offers me good practice of my written Russian and a link to my past which inevitably will shape my future. But this post isn’t really about my great aunt; It would take more than one post to describe just how amazing she is and how much I try to learn from her.
Not every aunt is like my mother’s aunt and my mom is fortunate to have had someone so amazing in her life all since birth. This weekend, I learned that my kids are just as fortunate to have an aunt like my mother’s and what’s more, an uncle too.
This is a celebratory month for our family and this past Friday, Evan and I dashed off to Philadelphia to celebrate his cousin’s engagement. My mom was working the evening and so my sister, her husband and my nephew convened at my parents’ house to look over Sophia and Eliza. My sister hasn’t ever babysat our girls because she doesn’t live close to us but I had no doubt she would rise to the challenge.
I peeked through the front door of my parents’ house and at precisely 5 PM I saw my beautiful sister carrying a box full of games and puzzles. She was ready for battle babysitting. My nephew and brother-in-law followed shortly thereafter. Evan and I dashed out the door to make our event and knew full well that all would be well at home. We received regular updates and pictures, too.
I would be remiss not to mention that things do not always go according to plan and despite my sister and brother-in-law’s best efforts Sophia didn’t take a bath and Eliza refused the bottle. These things happen and it was not due to lack of love, care or trying. They both get an A for effort. Effort is all that matters. In fact, this is exactly it—Eliza and Sophia are so very lucky to have these two wonderful people in their lives who make time for them and care about them.
Sophia and Eliza paid in love and kisses. I will never forget seeing how Sophia ran and hugged my sister right after she arrived. It was love and I know now that is how it will always be.
In life, there are no do-overs but there are sometimes second chances. In welcoming Eliza, I’ve had a second chance on mothering and as I anticipated, I’ve done a few things differently. Another second chance I’ve had is the choice to go back to work after my maternity leave ends. I’ve done it, I’ve gone back to work; This week marked the first few days and I am still happy with my decision the second time around.
On the one hand, it is difficult to leave little ones behind and head off to work, but on the other hand, I recognize that life is about making choices and there is no better time to teach my children that than now. It is probably just me, but I am happier when I’ve been at work and made a contribution of my own and outside the home.
Very few things in life beat a warm welcome I receive when I get home. Back in the days when Sophia was an infant and up at all hours of the night, my mom told me that there will come a time when I am welcomed home by a bouncing little girl screaming “Mama, Mama”. This lovely picture she painted seemed so far away. No longer far away, it is finally here. My afternoons’ happy reunions are complete with bright and cheery “Mama, it’s Mama!!!” followed by hugs and kisses so delicious that I’d choose them, ALWAYS, over chocolate or anything else earthly.
In a way, I am taking an easier road because I haven’t yet a harder job than that of a stay-at-home mom. I salute everyone who makes that choice and can’t stop counting my fortune to live in a place where we have choices.
I don’t want to admit it, but the signs that the seasons are changing are everywhere. I am not ready for stews and heavy, cold weather food but something warm and comforting seems very appropriate. I turned to a slow cooker cookbook that I have and found a chicken curry recipe. Sounded delightful and I was intrigued by how easy it was. It was almost a one-pot wonder and I started to doubt just how delicious it would be knowing how easy it is to make. I worried for nothing—it was delicious. Flavorful without being overpowering yet stimulating to the senses.
Since dinner required very little effort and the weather was so gorgeous, we had plenty of time for an after-dinner walk followed by playtime. Happiness is making time for all the important things in your life.
A great weight has been lifted from my shoulders and, literally, my basement. We are very fortunate that my mother-in-law and sister keep us stocked with lots of toys, gear, and books. While that is great, it also means a basement full of toys, clothes, and gear. Anyone who knows me personally also knows that I do not like clutter, and this great load was causing me quite a bit of frustration: There were many things that we have outgrown, all of them well cared for and used with much love. It was, in other words, time to say goodbye, to pass them on to others who will bring them into their homes, use and love them as much as we did. And so, this weekend, my in-laws rented a panel van and came down to get many of our toys and gear.
What is left I will wash, fold, and donate. Even though I may never meet those who would use our things, it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t show them that the items they are receiving were well cared for. I could never, ever, ever, ever give something that wasn’t perfectly cleaned. I remember getting baby clothes, a swing, stroller, a bassinet and much more from my sister and Evan’s aunt and uncle when we welcomed Sophia. Everything was in pristine shape, clean and tidy and that is how I will pass it on to the next hands.
So I am not just patting myself on the back for donating and recycling, I am patting myself on the back for getting my house de-cluttered! It wasn’t all hard work and no play at our house though. We were able to play and have fun and catch some of those special moments on film, too.
All that packing and cleaning and playing will make one quite hungry. With summer’s end fast approaching, we couldn’t resist a last hurrah to the bountiful harvest of the season and a nod to our travels in our previous (pre-kids) life.
I couldn’t have planned this post better if I tried; Throwback thursday or #tbt has become quite popular and while I occasionally post a picture… I’ll post a post. My family emigrated to the United States of America on this day back in 1994. I was 11 and twenty years have elapsed since then. I think it is time for an introspection, a look back to remember where I am, where I came from, what has happened and who has been there along the way. I wrote a brief summary of The Move a while ago; It was the conclusion of a Traveling Back in Timeseries.
No man is an island and I cannot claim credit for where I am without acknowledging the people who have been there along the way. I’ll start with my aunt—my mother’s sister—and her husband who had to petition (the US government) for us to emigrate and agree to become our guarantors taking on complete financial responsibility for us upon our arrival. Those were the conditions the government set before granting us entrance visas. Thankfully, my parents were able to get on their feet within three months. Still, I look at my aunt’s decision now with admiration and a new perspective. Would I ever agree to do this for my sister? Yes. Without a doubt, without a second thought, without hesitation or discussion. And now that I have two little girls, I would hope they grow up in such a way that if ever in need, each would make the same decision to help the other. And so my aunt’s decision to help her sister has had a major impact on my life and how it has turned out.
My education is yet another place where my choices had a significant impact on my life; I didn’t sail through my college courses; I studied for hours every day of the week. There were several times when I didn’t think I could make it all the way. Maybe because I didn’t always feel that, as a woman, I belonged in engineering or maybe because it didn’t always come easily. Either way, there was a mentor at an internship that morphed into my long-term employer who supported and encouraged me. My gratitude to this individual is immense because I am not sure I’d have stuck with my major or my job. After seeing the impact of mentoring firsthand, I made a commitment to mentor younger engineers. It is an incredibly gratifying experience.
Last, but not least, I have had the encouragement and support of a great partner who was a friend at first, then a boyfriend, then a fiancee, a husband and now a father. The magic that Evan weaves is simple—he makes me want to be better, to grow and learn from my experiences.
Twenty years ago, I couldn’t have dreamed of a better outcome than this:
So thank you to those who have been there along the way.