Food For Thought – Page 3 – Growing Up Savvy

Published December 7, 2015 by Nadya

The First Night

… of Hanukkah is very important in our household: we make sure to break out the menorahs, latkes, sufganiyot, and ring in the holiday’s start in true Jewish style. This holiday is perhaps my most favorite and the one that I can remember celebrating when I was little even when religious observation was strictly forbidden in the USSR.

This year’s celebration didn’t disappoint when we opened our doors to my sister and parents-in-law. Evan made a beef stew carbonnade, I made latkes, my sister made sufganiyot, and ponchiki.

My in-laws brought their famous chicken fingers, the wine and most importantly, chocolate chip and gingerbread cookies. The cookies were home-made, of course. Sophia had such a blast decorating the gingerbread men and Alex enjoyed eating the decorated creations.

I can always count on my mother-in-law to pull off an amazing child activity that keeps the kids occupied and happy.

Before the cookies were decorated or perhaps shortly after, there was the lighting of the menorah. Although we have some beautiful, old menorahs, we chose to ring in this holiday with two that were made by the children in our family. The first one (shown here) is one that Sophia made with some adult supervision. The other is a menorah that Alex made for us and Sophia a few years ago. That menorah is very special to us, more valuable than any cast in silver or bronze and sculpted by an artist.

Although she is only four, Sophia will tell you that the most important part of Hanukkah is the presents. The girls weren’t disappointed with the sheer volume of presents that came from my cousins, the girls’ grand and great-grand parents, and my sister (and co.).

We don’t open all the presents at once—there are, after all, eight days of Hanukkah. Of the ones we have opened, every single one will be used, enjoyed, and played with by Sophia and Eliza. There are two, however, that will be cherished. They are the ones that Anna made for them. Eliza got a busy purse complete with a zipper, velcro, and a few other clasps. Not only is it great because she can practice all those clasps but because it is a purse, too. Every fine lady can always use another purse. Sophia received a color traveling pack with slots for markers and a note-pad. Both items were hand-made with bright fabrics and lots of love. This isn’t the first time our kids have received something handmade from their Aunt Anna. A few years ago, Sophia received the book of colors. We flipped through it the other day with Eliza who is learning about colors.

Happy Hanukkah!

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hanukkah sufganiyot

Published November 26, 2015 by Nadya

The Obligatory Thanksgiving List

This list is not a first of its kind here in this space (previous lists are here, here, and here). In fact, I make a list every year and only then look back at the ones from years past. The lists change because as the years go by, life, and what I consider to be important, and hold dear change.

This time, at the end of 2015, I am thankful for:

Life’s small luxuries which I have begun to get back (e.g., being able to blow dry my hair in the morning)
My knitting needles, yarn, and beyond that, the time to knit
Being where I am, living where I do, and having our friends
My big blended family
The flowers, the laughs, wires and cords, raspberry pies and the projects that ensue from them, date nights, all the travels, and memories because they all mean Evan, Sophia, and Eliza. More than the stars, the moon, the sun, and more than chocolate, I am thankful for them. The End.

Food For Thought Life

thankful thanksgiving

Published November 13, 2015 by Nadya

Food for Thought: Expectations

A meaty topic for a Friday post, especially if you were expecting to see a weekly moment. We are continuing our adjustment to having two kids, to being in Philadelphia, and to being parents of a pre-schooler. Believe it or not, daily snack selection can be daunting! All lighthearted comments aside, I am looking back, feeling the need to introspect, and finding that life isn’t harder than I thought it would be, but harder in ways I didn’t expect.

Expectations are tricky, you see. If you set no expectations, you are bound to not be disappointed. Disappointment, though, like failure, is a part of life. It is good to feel disappointment because that means you reached high, took a leap of faith, or gave someone the benefit of the doubt. Someone I have a great amount of respect for recently said that “… the expectation placed on you changes the expectations you place on yourself …” It seems so commonsensical, but when you really think about what that means, it becomes obvious that this is an incredibly important concept.

I have always placed high expectations on myself and there have been times I have disappointed myself or those around me, but more often than not, I have achieved what I expected to. Expectations have been placed on me from an early age, and I suppose because of that I have learned to place expectations on myself. Extending this to the now—and whether or not we want to—we parent based on what we know. I have noticed that I have started to place expectations on the girls.

Given their ages, these expectations are not anything out of the ordinary. I expect them to behave with respect toward those around them, to ask for permission for certain things, to clean up after themselves in the evening, and to be mindful of the world around them. Perhaps the biggest expectation I have placed on Sophia (Eliza is too young for this) is for her to “buy into” our decisions. I don’t necessarily mean financial “buy-in”, though eventually, that too will be expected. Sophia is fully aware that there are expectations placed on her and I can see now how she is slowly but surely placing higher expectations on herself. More importantly, in placing expectations on herself, Sophia is gaining courage and learning that she can reach higher, expect more of herself.

… and now for some moments…

Disclaimer: One of those pastries belongs to the photographer 😉

Food For Thought Life Moments

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Published October 26, 2015 by Nadya

Falling into a Parenting Philosophy

Parenting Philosophy. What’s yours? Ours is… well, until now, ours has been elusive. Or perhaps our philosophy hasn’t been, but we’ve lacked the ability to describe it. In going through the process of placing Sophia into a pre-school, we’ve had to [fairly recently] develop a cogent description of how we approach parenting.
There are many, many parenting philosophies out there and you can read all about them before you become a parent thinking that you will be this type of a parent or that type of a parent. The truth of the matter is that you will not know what kind of a parent you will be until you have your child(ren) and they shape you as a parent much like you shape them as people. And so, after several lengthy conversations we have identified that our style is best described as a modified version of Slow Parenting. And while we do not adhere to the lack of television access, we do let our kids play with simple toys like blocks and craft because while the materials are elemental, the possibilities are limitless. We are focused on teaching the girls commitment and expect them to follow through if they’ve promised or agreed to something. “I can’t” is not an expression that is acceptable at our house because it is so final and instead, the girls can ask for help or say that this is something they “don’t know” how to do “just yet“. To some, this may be just a matter of words, but if you really think about it, these words imply very different things. “I can’t” implies finality that the fate of this task is sealed and it is beyond one’s reach while not knowing how to do something implies an opportunity to learn. Learning, extending, trying something new, and even failing, no, especially failing are critical. This outlook stems from the fact that we treat the girls as adults. Everything, and I do mean, e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g is explained at all ages. When Eliza refuses to put on a jacket, we patiently explain that it is cold outside and a jacket will make her warm. When Sophia gets upset that Eliza has once again destroyed a castle she diligently built with her blocks, we explain that Eliza is little and she is discovering the world. We also say that part of discovery is the process of taking something apart to learn what it is really made of and that she (Sophia) used to smash castles we built for her, too.

Lastly, Evan and I make a concerted effort to engender empathy in the girls both toward each other, toward us, our family, and others in general. Empathy goes hand in hand with love and there is no stronger bond than that between siblings and families. So here it is, our brief, and still very incomplete parenting philosophy. The beignets? These are homemade zeppole with apples because it is fall and because fried dough is the perfect place to sneak a bit more fruit.

The weekend was eventful—a trip to the zoo, a technical conference, a date-night, a dance class, and …. the zeppole. There was also 40 garlic clove chicken, homemade chicken soup, baked Japanese yam fries, and quality time with grandparents.

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Published October 14, 2015 by Nadya

Persnickety Perspectives

It hasn’t been just about birthdays, tutu’s, and parties around here. On occasion, when properly overstimulated with life, I take a bit of time to ponder all things intangible. Some thoughts…

Respect, similarly to trust, is like a beautiful crystal vase—it can be broken, put together, and enjoyed once more but never the same way.
Family is the most important thing in the world, but not the family you are born into, the one you choose to be a part of and the one you make for yourself. There is a famous quote from the Velveteene Rabbit where the Skin Horse tells the rabbit that real isn’t how you are made, but real is what you become after being loved for a long, long time. We aren’t born siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins. We become them through our actions and through being there.
The real challenge of parenthood isn’t sleepless nights and picky eaters, it is raising children with just enough discipline so that they retain their spirit to object, to stand up for something they care for, and continue to be fun.

Food For Thought

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Published October 14, 2015 by Nadya

The Cardigan

Sophia isn’t a girly girl, but she does like to dress up. She asked to have a tutu dress for her birthday party and my parents sourced her a beautiful retro-inspired piece from a small-batch maker in Australia. That is her sole fancy/tutu dress. I wanted her birthday to be memorable and everything about it to be how she liked it. I’ll save the dress and maybe one day, she’ll dress her daughter in it. Though come to think of it, maybe Eliza can have a turn in it in a year or two.

We took the girls out on Saturday for a little photo shoot to commemorate Sophia’s birthday and grab Eliza’s almost 16th month picture, too. I have been waiting to use the cardigan Sophia is wearing for almost four years. My sister knitted it for Sophia in honor of her baby naming. Knitted in bamboo yarn, a deep raspberry red, this raglan cardigan is studded with beautiful and intricate lace stitches.

I seem to recall that the cardigan took something like eighty hours to knit and while I can put a price on the yarn and the hours themselves, the effort, the initiative, and the love that went into it are priceless.

Food For Thought

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Published October 12, 2015 by Nadya

4

We celebrated Sophia’s fourth birthday today. Four. I find it hard to believe that she’s been in our lives for that long and it is difficult to remember what life was like before her.

Sophia is not an easy child. But as we all know, in life things that are easy don’t give you profound pleasure or joy. And Sophia does. Her every milestone feels well-earned, almost deserved, and sweet like berries at their summer peak. The best thing about Sophia isn’t her blue eyes or beautiful smile, or even her kindness. It is her ability to teach me life lessons and remind me what is truly important. I’m forever grateful for my lessons and for having her in my life. I promise to honor my end of the bargain, to be there. For now, “there” is at pre-school, but as she grows older, “there” will no longer imply a physical but an emotional state.

Happy Birthday!

Food For Thought Life Moments

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Published September 28, 2015 by Nadya

Shuttered In

The much anticipated Pope’s visit has come to an end and in a few short hours life will be back to normal.

Admittedly, we did not know what to expect in choosing to stay in the city and shuttering ourselves in. I was concerned about crowds, but my worries turned out to be unsubstantiated.

We did work from home on Friday and took it easy the rest of the weekend. There was laundry, cooking, and fall cleaning. Missing what has become a weekly delicious delivery service from my parents which usually consists of things like blintzes and a full dinner (often sustaining us for more than 1 night), I got down to business and made … blintzes.

Evan made japanese meatballs with home-made teriyaki sauce and now I won’t ever try store bought. Not even from fancy gourmet brands. Besides all of the daily household chores, there was old fashioned family time without any external distractions or incentives to go and do something. Old-school family time. We didn’t rush anywhere, not even the park or playground in the mornings. Lazy, coffee-laden breakfasts morphed into play, into snacks, lunches and spontaneous movie nights.

As I folded the 6th load of kids’ clothes, having pruned both the girls’ closets and readied them for the coming cooler months, I realized that I have, gradually, embraced the business of the typical weekend, just as I have the changes to my life after becoming a mom.

The beauty of it all became suddenly obvious. I don’t miss labor and delivery or the first few weeks at home with a newborn, mastitis, colicky babies, changing (and paying for) 12+ diapers a day, blowouts, and what my mother-in-law charmingly calls the bewitching hour. I miss the little things like sibling kisses, baby hugs, and first tall castles out of wood blocks. Rather, I don’t miss them just yet, but I know that I will, miss them, one day when they’re not so readily available. This weekend? This weekend I missed my mom’s blintzes and her birthday. Happy Birthday, Mama!

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Published September 21, 2015 by Nadya

Life’s a Ride on the Carousel

Or rather it was on Saturday morning at the Please Touch Museum where we attended a birthday party celebrating our friends’ little girl. Sophia was so excited to attend and even though I am not sure Eliza realized where we were going, she jumped right into the swing of things once we got there. The party was just perfect. A bit of crafting, some activities, breakfast, cake, and a ride on the famous carousel.

Eliza is not such a huge fan of the carousel, so she and I sat that part of the birthday events out. Actually, our weekend started the evening before when Evan and I attended a parents’ association meeting at Sophia’s school and followed that with a dinner date. The weather was gorgeous and the association meeting was held outdoors—heavenly on a perfect Friday evening. I don’t remember the last time we went out to dinner on our own or walked the streets of Old City hand in hand after the sun set.

The weekend was a blur of birthday parties, dance classes and much-desired time with grandparents. We did find out that one of Sophia’s classmates was diagnosed with strep throat and I was (am) on pins and needles hoping that Sophia doesn’t catch it and share it with Eliza (and the rest of us). We took this opportunity to teach Sophia about germs (viruses and bacteria) and how they get into our bodies, what they do and why we have to wash our hands.

Late last night while professing our undying love for one another, I said to Sophia that I love her so much, maybe more than she loves me and she promptly replied “Not more, Mama, just different”. Those are some sage words and, just like that, I realized that she isn’t so little anymore.

Food For Thought Life

Published September 17, 2015 by Nadya

Life’s Luxuries Every Single Day

Can I confess something to you? Some days I glance at the clock and its 3pm, and I look around my office noticing my long to-do list staring at me and picture the goings on at home. I have yet to get there, of course, and some days I have already been to work twice once after dropping off Sophia at school and again after I picked her up at noon and delivered her back home.
Rewind four years ago when I would walk into my office anytime before 9:30 AM, spend my lunch hour (I actually had a full lunch hour back then) catching up with friends over salad and unsweetened iced tea and came home to cook dinner at leisure. I slept in whenever I wanted to on the weekends and it wasn’t unusual for Evan and me to spend the day watching movies, playing board games, going out or anything else that we decided to do … just on a whim. Date night used to occur on any evening and sometimes, on a beautiful fall or spring day, I would pick up a coffee and just walk around the city taking it all in. Those were life’s little luxuries.

These days, I am needed almost every hour of the day. Who else is going to pack Sophia’s snacks, pick out her outfit, put her hair into pony tails, serve fresh-made ricotta pancakes for breakfast, change diapers, wash clothes, build fortresses and princess castles out of blocks and keep little Eliza from climbing every surface of the house? That’s before and after work, too. I’ll be the first to admit that my life is quite un-luxurious these days.

While I, like most other mothers/parents, have certainly lost a lot of my freedoms to the demands of mothering young children, I still cling to a very tiny subset of luxuries. These are the moments that I hold on to dearly on the days when life’s a little too chaotic. These luxuries provide small flashes of sheer delight and in doing so recharge my human batteries.

Every day when the kids go to sleep, I reach the pitch dark kitchen, turn on one small light, exhale and wash up the kids sippy cups. I wipe the counters and plan what I will do with the next hour of my life. Often times, I will wash up some fruit, sit down in my bedroom, put my feet up and read the news while snacking on whatever is in season.

Every morning after I drop off Sophia at school, I call my mom, we talk and I share the latest/greatest on what the kids are up to. Not every evening, but many evenings, Evan will take the kids to the pier for an hour. As soon as they have left, I rush around packing snacks and cleaning up after dinner so that I have just a little bit of time to unwind. Then, I pour a glass of water and call a friend. We don’t connect with people anymore so I am changing that one call at a time.

These days, I am focusing more on little and less on luxury. I steal these moments unabashedly, fight for them, rationalize that the hour excursion which Evan takes the kids is good for them and absolutely necessary for me. That one hour will make me a better mom for the rest of the evening, the rest of the week. How? I am not sure. It simply does.

Motherhood is seasonal; it is always changing and at times, we find ourselves with many freedoms and at times with none at all. There were times when (especially when the kids were infants), I couldn’t leave them for two hours and there are times when I have left them for a day knowing full well that they’re fine and that I will be, too. Perhaps the best part of motherhood is learning to balance, to be selfless, to put other beings before yourself but not forgetting yourself either.

Food For Thought From the Rocking Chair Motherhood

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